I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
