Screwed.edu
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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