i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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