There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
