Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
