After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
