Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
