so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
