I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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