i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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