you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
