we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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