whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
