Please, let me fuck your mom
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
