dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
