I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
