WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
