I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
