I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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