remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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