we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
