I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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