i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have post one night stand depression
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