I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
