it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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