i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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