he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
