you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize