I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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