Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
