Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
