And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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