eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
even my farts smell like vagina
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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