Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
