Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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