The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
