I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
