Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Randomize
