Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
