idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
