i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
