He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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