Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
