u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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