i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
