I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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