worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
