Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
