hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I died a long time ago.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
