Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
