i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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