I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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