I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
