im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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