also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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