i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
