You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
