I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
