shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
