She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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