Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
