I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.