My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
