Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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