The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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