You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
