I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
