i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
