i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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